My best advice after 27 years of marriage

I recently read an online joke asking for the number one cause of divorce. The answer? Marriage. While it got a chuckle out of me, it also earned a grimace. That line of thinking mirrors the growing number of people choosing to skip the altar altogether. A book I read recently suggested that marriage hasn’t kept pace with modern times. It’s no longer a financial necessity like it was in the 1950s; today, people choose to get married out of love. Go figure.

Reflecting on our milestone, my wife and I gave a toast where we were asked to share our best advice for those hoping to reach the quarter-century mark and beyond.

When I first got hitched, people told me never to go to bed angry or sleep in separate rooms. While I see the intent, I don’t wholly agree. In the heat of an argument, a little space is often the best cure to prevent saying something you can’t take back.

Instead, my advice is simple: embrace change.

The woman I married nearly three decades ago is not the same woman sitting next to me today. If I had resisted her growth, I would have spent decades fighting the very person I vowed to love, honor, and cherish. We evolve every day. The best, and most challenging, part of long-term marriage is realizing every few years that you are no longer married to the same person.

By the same token, I’m certainly not the same guy who walked down the aisle 27 years ago (thank goodness). Who knows where we’d be if we hadn’t embraced each other’s growth? We were practically babies when we committed to spending our lives together. At 23, I barely knew how to take care of myself, let alone a wife and future kids.

While there’s no single secret to a long marriage, the fact that we change over time is rarely talked about. And when it is, it is hardly positive (Ugh, He/She changed). The reality is staying together for decades means you will have to let go of the fairytale and learn to embrace each other through each phase of life.

That might sound obvious, but I think it gets to the heart of what that old “don’t go to bed angry” advice was trying to say. You can’t live with someone for decades and expect that you won’t go through some rough times and difficulties. What matters is coming back together after a rough patch to reflect on the meaning of “for better or worse, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live”

While going through the daily grind, it’s easy to forget to reconnect. That’s usually when people panic and realize their partner has changed, leading to a desperate attempt to force things back to “how they used to be.” Instead, look at those moments as an opportunity to recommit to the people you’ve become.

Change is the only absolute certainty in life, especially in a relationship. Trying to freeze frame who you were at 20 only breeds conflict. Growth is going to happen. So while I used to tell young couples to take their time before walking down the aisle, my real advice now is straightforward: embrace the change, and embrace each other.

What can you do with $868

 My son is in his final undergraduate semester. The bill was $4,575.54 and due for payment in two weeks. I checked with him to see that he had accepted his student loans; at the time, he hadn’t yet. However, once he accepted the loan and his merit scholarship was applied, the remaining balance due to the school immediately dropped to $391.47. Ordinarily, he would have been able to cover that difference from money earned working during the year; however, this year his bank account was a little lighter because he didn’t work the entire month of July. Instead, he spent the month of July in Spain struggling with the European heatwave and adventuring with his sister (I know, choose a struggle, right?!).

So, where does this $868 come in? Well, that was the amount that remained in the small college fund of $4,505 that we had tucked away many years ago, which we stopped contributing to when he turned 18 and the rules dictated that we could no longer contribute to his 529 Plan. We used some of the funds in 2024 and some more in 2025 to cover education expenses. What remained for 2026 was the grand total of $868.09 (actually $626.00, plus an additional $246 in earned interest over two years). Yes, I know $868 is a “small” sum of money for college, but this was money that we had just left alone that was enough to give my son and us the space to get the semester off to a good start so that we didn’t have to wonder where we were taking that money from. No robbing Peter to pay Paul here. So with his final payout, he will pay the remainder of his tuition in cash, and have an additional $500 to jump-start repayment of his student loan.

For me, this $868 was a gentle reminder that you don’t necessarily need to save a whole lot of money to get a step ahead, but you do need to save SOMETHING. And you don’t need to do a lot at one time either because a little over time goes a long way. Also, using the money for its intended purpose is probably a good idea.

So, here’s to making some small sacrifices along the way so that you could reap big rewards at just the right time. Obviously, his student loans will need to be paid… but we have a plan for that, and I can’t wait to share and celebrate that win as well. As it turns out, with $868, we were able to do a lot. In this case and in this economy, this small college fund gave our soon-to-be college graduate a little peace of mind as he starts his final semester.

The 2:00 AM Reality Check

Recently, I was given some information that shattered my world. For a while, I was in a dark place, navigating a kind of mental devastation that felt impossible to process. In the quiet moments of that aftermath, I realized something chilling: I had nowhere to go, no one to call, and no established way to deal with the wreckage.

I don’t bring this up to share the news itself, that remains private. I bring it up to highlight a concept Scott Galloway often discusses regarding the modern male experience. While I consistently work at building relationships and networking, I realized there are very few people in my life with whom the bond is deep enough that I could call them at 2:00 AM if I were suddenly put out of my house.

It is a sobering realization to look at a contact list full of “colleagues” and “acquaintances” and find a void where “brothers” should be.

Crucially, this focus on male friendship doesn’t exist in a vacuum, nor does it stand in opposition to the progress of women. In fact, strengthening the emotional infrastructure of men is a vital component of a healthy society for everyone. In his book Adrift, Galloway makes this point clearly: “The increase in opportunities for women (and for people of color) is an important step forward. There is no justification for reversing these hard-fought wins.” The goal isn’t to pull others down to help men catch up; it’s about understanding that women generally want and deserve strong, emotionally grounded men in their lives. While women may want that stability in their partners and peers, I would argue that men need it for their own survival.

In our current era, what some call the Fourth Industrial Revolution, we are more connected by technology than ever before. We can sync our entire lives to a digital calendar in seconds. But that same efficiency can mask a growing isolation. We’ve automated our schedules, but we haven’t found a way to automate the grit and time required to build a friendship that can withstand a life-altering phone call in the middle of the night.

I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about the specific need for male friendships. There is a unique kind of strength found in the company of men who understand the weight of responsibility and the specific pressures we face. These friendships offer more than just social distraction; they provide a mirror. They offer a space where growth, not just in business, but in character, is witnessed and encouraged.

When those bonds exist, they act as a safety net for the mind. There is a documented benefit to having a circle that doesn’t require you to “perform” or “manage” your image. It’s about the peace that comes from knowing you aren’t an island. Yet, for many of us, the focus has shifted so heavily toward goals and “getting things done” that we’ve let the foundational joy of simple, deep companionship slide to the periphery.

This experience didn’t leave me with a list of tips or a “five-step plan.” I’m not an expert, and I’m not in a position to give advice. I am simply a man who looked at his phone during a crisis and realized the difference between a full inbox and a true lifeline.

Standing in that dark place taught me that while technology can enhance our lives, it cannot hold us up when our world collapses. Only people can do that. And for men, finding a way back to that kind of raw, reliable connection isn’t just a “nice to have”, it might be the only thing that matters when the clock hits 2:00 AM and the ground has just crumbled beneath you.